The Problem with the Third Noble Truth
My TomTom doesn't have the State of Nirvana in its map database.
Ode to my TomTom
Like blind faith in religion, I do whatever you tell me and even though I never really know exactly where I'm at, I still get to my destination on time.
Happy Martyr's Day
His wrought iron words
kept her locked out for centuries!
His gardens untouched by her milkweeds
and their butterflies.
But, she dare not use that arcane,
fragile key made of battered old tin.
For it could break in the keyhole
and she'd be forever locked in!
kept her locked out for centuries!
His gardens untouched by her milkweeds
and their butterflies.
But, she dare not use that arcane,
fragile key made of battered old tin.
For it could break in the keyhole
and she'd be forever locked in!
Another Grandiose Interpretation of Sid's Words
The love a mother feels for her children holds the key to world peace for all.
Spill, Baby, Spill!
My heart bleeds like a busted oil rig for our little coastline tonight as it sleeps peacefully unaware of its impending sludgy invader.
In memory of an old friend.
I saw your name on a Cancer Society donation card on the wall at the electric company a few months ago. It said "In Memory of Julie Faulk, Always Loved". I decided to buy one for you too. I wrote "Only bad asses die young" knowing you'd get a chuckle out of it. Have fun resting in peace and shit! Love ya girl, and happy birthday!
The Zen of Pat Benatar's Broken Heart
May you too be blessed with the right kind of sinner to release your inner fantasies.
Love,
The invincible winner, born to please.
Love,
The invincible winner, born to please.
Save the Elitists
It was brought to my attention that my last entry seemed to be Anti-Intellectualism rhetoric but it wasn't. I mean, what am I, Sarah Palin? No, my kids will be allowed and even encouraged to learn about things like, Madame Bovary, the color fuscia and birth control. I do not support the Anti-intellectualism movement. In fact, the only movement I care about is that of my bowels (I can be a crabby bitch when I'm constipated, God bless Miralax!) So leave the poor elitists alone and let them get back to their jobs of teaching our kids about art and stuff so we can get back to our jobs of scratching our asses and bitching about the government.
Unintelligible blathering
Intelligence does not equal wisdom in that it actually is a measurement of all the things you know and intellect is your intelligence in action. But be careful of intellect, it's a tricky bastard. It is the enemy of wisdom and will make you forget you don't know everything.
I don't know the title.
Wisdom is more of a reckoning of all the things you don't know than it is a measurement of all the things you do know.
I'm back, bitches!
In the two years since my last entry I:
-physically aged by about 10 years
-mentally degenerated by about 20 years
-lost exuberant amounts of pride
-gained some of that pride back
-lost half my annual income
-gained 30 lbs (I got more junk in my trunk than a white girl knows what to do with)
-lost 75% hearing in my right ear
and
-gained one extra mouth to feed (yep, had me another youngin'... he's my cute little blue-eyed turd)
What have you been up to?
-physically aged by about 10 years
-mentally degenerated by about 20 years
-lost exuberant amounts of pride
-gained some of that pride back
-lost half my annual income
-gained 30 lbs (I got more junk in my trunk than a white girl knows what to do with)
-lost 75% hearing in my right ear
and
-gained one extra mouth to feed (yep, had me another youngin'... he's my cute little blue-eyed turd)
What have you been up to?
Zen 101
Sometimes, the greatest change you can make in your life is to realize it doesn't need changed.
Happy New Year...what's your name again?
Should old acquaintance be forgot and never brought to mind, drink champagne and celebrate.
Much to my disappointment, they were saying For The Win
When I was a kid, FTW stood for Fuck The World. A few years ago when I started hanging out with people on the internet, I thought "what a wonderful place, everyone's as jaded and cynical as me."
people are ftl
people are ftl
A case study (more moon facts)
Dean Martin described the light of the moon, when hitting a certain young lady's eye, as looking like a big pizza pie and that the entire incident is considered amoré or love as it translates to English. This is evidence in support of the fact that Dean Martin, most likely, never existed.
A follow up to the Bill Nye thing
It is a scientific FACT that when moon light reflects off certain things on earth, such as but not limited to calm ocean waters or smooth bare skin, it can only be described as heavenly.
(Unlike the moon, this post is made of cheese)
(Unlike the moon, this post is made of cheese)
It's not even my birthday
The ability to forgive is a gift that benefits you more-so than the forgiven.
This will only make sense to my friend Weaver
My WoW account is expired, but I wanted to reply to your 'Bit of fun' post on bc forums.
I licked a birdbath because I am NOT crazy.
:P
I licked a birdbath because I am NOT crazy.
:P
Spoiled poor
If you were raised by working class parents who drove a crappy car, lived in a house you were too embarrassed to bring your friends to, and didn't buy you anything unless you completed a bunch of boring chores to earn it, consider yourself blessed.
The graceful clutz
This morning I saw a graceful doe nervously dart across a busy highway. Half way through her trek she clumsily slipped and fell. She frantically picked herself back up and finished her sloppy scurry to the safety of the other side of the road. It was comforting to see that even the most graceful, when struck with fear, can be a clutz.
Side note: I still can't understand how a full-bellied man could have the instinct to wanna hunt and kill such a docile creature. Maybe if they saw what I saw this morning, they'd realize it wasn't perfect and they'd stop wanting to kill it.
Side note: I still can't understand how a full-bellied man could have the instinct to wanna hunt and kill such a docile creature. Maybe if they saw what I saw this morning, they'd realize it wasn't perfect and they'd stop wanting to kill it.
Billion dollar babies
Making a successful billion dollar corporation is just like making a baby. Somebody's gotta get fucked.
Bill Nye the ignorant guy
Question: What is more ignorant than booing at a science lecture because it doesn't quite fit in with your Christian views?
Answer: Bringing up the bible during a discussion about science. Furthering your ignorance would be criticizing what should only be described as unimportant semantics of bible interpretations in front of a crowd of people born and raised in the bible belt.
FULL STORY:
"Nye angered a few audience members when he criticized literal interpretation of Genesis 1:16, which reads: “God made two great lights — the greater light to govern the day and the lesser light to govern the night. He also made the stars.” He pointed out that the moon, which really is not a light at all, rather a reflector of light."
Click here for the definition of light
The canard is saying its merely just a reflection and that it is ABSOLUTELY NOT considered a light, therefore God must not exist AMIRITE?!! The sun emits photons; the moon absorbs them and redistributes them anew, thus producing its own brand of illumination aka light. Simplified science calls it a 'reflection'. Meh big deal, tomayto tomahto....
Why split hairs with bible thumpers over such trivial nonsense? Were you trying to teach them something or make them feel stupid for believing in something you don't? Yeah, that's ignorant, in my not so humble opinion.
Answer: Bringing up the bible during a discussion about science. Furthering your ignorance would be criticizing what should only be described as unimportant semantics of bible interpretations in front of a crowd of people born and raised in the bible belt.
FULL STORY:
"Nye angered a few audience members when he criticized literal interpretation of Genesis 1:16, which reads: “God made two great lights — the greater light to govern the day and the lesser light to govern the night. He also made the stars.” He pointed out that the moon, which really is not a light at all, rather a reflector of light."
Click here for the definition of light
The canard is saying its merely just a reflection and that it is ABSOLUTELY NOT considered a light, therefore God must not exist AMIRITE?!! The sun emits photons; the moon absorbs them and redistributes them anew, thus producing its own brand of illumination aka light. Simplified science calls it a 'reflection'. Meh big deal, tomayto tomahto....
Why split hairs with bible thumpers over such trivial nonsense? Were you trying to teach them something or make them feel stupid for believing in something you don't? Yeah, that's ignorant, in my not so humble opinion.
Shove your money up your bum
I'd rather chug sour mash whiskey with the homeless than sip fine wine with the rich.
Perfectly fine
There's nothing wrong with self-righteousness, as long as you're the only one who believes you.
Don't tell ME to grow up!
I recently discovered that I am not a real person to you. I'm just a learning experience to be discarded when the lessons aren't what you planned.
'Cause she's got VD, not a royal flush DUH!
I once knew a stripper whose favorite song to perform to was 'She's got the Jack' by AC/DC. She was so obtuse and couldn't understand why no one wanted a lap dance from her. "Like, what's so bad about a girl playing poker?"
My spin on the turtle v. hare proverb
If ambition ceased to exist, progression would take its place.
Don't defend yourself
It's interesting how people think that just because they didn't plan the harm they caused, they shouldn't be held accountable.
This apparently only makes sense to me
A wise kitty will ignore your ball of string if it doesn't like you.
Morning person
Nothing pleases me more than knowing I look completely unattractive to the average schmuck.
High on fiber
Your kids are the turds you dump onto the world. Lovingly remind them they're not odorless and the less offensive their stench will be.
(If this offends you as a parent, then you're not doing your job. If this offends you as a child then get away from me kid, you're stinkin' up the place!)
(If this offends you as a parent, then you're not doing your job. If this offends you as a child then get away from me kid, you're stinkin' up the place!)
Some ancient proverb (paraphrased & mentally illustrated)
A good leader has only one follower, them self. *insert image of dog chasing tail*
Half-truths
It don't matter if someone tells you their glass is half empty or half full. You're still only getting half the story.
Attention all suicidal wimps
Life is a long, miserable journey to sweet, gracious death. How dare you commit suicide and cheat your way to the finish line! You've got no right to cop out and not suffer with the rest of us.
Information super-highway
The internet has done wonders in teaching me that people suck the world over.
Who needs it? (ignore the double negative)
Love ain't no big deal. It's just like hate in that it's merely the feelings you have for yourself displaced onto others.
Let them choke on cake
If you are the ambitious, happy-go-lucky sort who enjoys having your cake and eating it too, then you're a fucking glutton and I hope you choke.
Scientists & Assholes
Scientists say the center of the universe is in an unknown, far-off place that will most likely never be seen by the human eye. Assholes say they see it everytime they look in the mirror.
'Might' being the operative word.
The world hates you and will kill you. If you tread lightly and keep a low profile your death might be painless.
The sooner you know, the better you'll be.
Humans are an inherently evil and destructive force on this planet. Once you realize you're no different than all the other evil humans, you become a good person.
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